The Tongue is an Important Sex Organ
"David and Sarah" were therapists who worked together to mend broken relationships. They were a well-functioning couple and suited to share their efficacy with other couples. Or so they thought.
Over a decade into their marriage, David and Sarah were having a conversation that changed the nature of their sexual relationship. Sarah asked David, “Why do you stick your tongue in my ear when we make love?” David’s answer was simple and revealing, “Because I always wanted you to do that to me.”
A moment of complete clarity and insight came to Sarah: they were ineffective communicators about a very important aspect of their relationship. David and Sarah took this window of opportunity and begin a more effective dialogue about sexual assumptions, gratifications, and love language.
Sarah completely loathed David’s tongue in her ear but said nothing to David about her displeasure. Instead, Sarah endeavoured to ignore her annoyance and focus on the other pleasures of making love. Sarah thought that her deliberate act to overlook the unpleasant was a loving gesture to David and therefore helpful to the relationship. Because Sarah loathed a wet ear, she never considered loving David in this way.
Clearly, David was trying to love Sarah the way he wanted to be loved. It’s easy to conclude that if you like something; there must be some inherent pleasure in it. Therefore, you assume that someone else will find enjoyment in it too.
David’s intention was pure and good: he wanted to give ‘pleasure’ to Sarah. He didn’t hit Sarah’s bull’s-eye and, in fact, gave her displeasure. David loved his partner the way he wanted to be loved, speaking his love language and not Sarah’s. The other travesty in this story is that David never got what he truly wanted during their lovemaking.
I would argue that the tongue is the most important sex organ. At first blush, you might think this because it is as an appendage to give pleasure. To the contrary, the tongue’s most important purpose is to stay in the mouth and communicate about how you want to be loved.
Good communication is integral to the success of a relationship. Communicating to your partner about the sexual aspects of your relationship is difficult for even the most seasoned and successful couples. Hence, the tongue is an important sex organ simply because it allows us to communicate what is working, what is not working and what we want sexually and otherwise.
Don’t jump to a conclusion or take a guess about how your partner wants to be loved: it’s like shooting darts in the dark. Use your tongue 1) to communicate how you want to be loved and 2) to determine the love language of your partner. This is crucial to mutual satisfaction.
The moral of the story is this: the tongue is an important sex organ but clearly, not in the way you might think. Communication is the most important part of a healthy sexual relationship and speaking your partner’s love language is the ‘gold standard’ of good loving.